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DARE TO TRANSFORM

A 7-Day Path to ReDiscovering Your Authentic IDentity

Introduction

In a world filled with constant change and uncertainty, it’s easy to feel lost or unsure about who we are. Many of us struggle with our identities, grappling with questions of meaning, purpose, authenticity, and belonging. However, becoming our true self is a Divine calling and imperative.

Hello! Welcome to this exciting Dare to Transform: A 7-Day Path to (Re)Discovering Your Authentic Identity!

I am Dr Bernice George, psychologist, counsellor and identity coach. AND It is with great pleasure that I offer guidance on this transformative journey.

Be assured, this adventure surpasses conventional ideas and explores the fundamental nature of your true self, and the aspirations you hold for your future identity.

Throughout this Challenge, you’ll…

Dig into the gold mines of your Actual Self, Ideal Self, and Ought Self.
Identify the core values and beliefs that shape your self-perception and decisions.
You’ll recognise specific areas of alignment and misalignment among the three selves and begin to bridge the discrepancy gap.
You’ll calibrate your internal compass and set well-formed outcome goals.

Then on Day 7, you’ll review, integrate and celebrate your learning and growth.

I will guide you through a variety of practical activities that can awaken psychological insights, bringing you closer to becoming your integrated self. You’ll then be more intentional about utilising the full range of your God-given skills and abilities, in service to humanity.

And, you can expect to have some fun on the journey as well.

From the outset, it’s important to understand that you are personally responsible for knowing yourself.

Self-knowledge is a dynamic, ongoing, and rich process, filled with discoveries, deeper understanding, transformation, and ultimately, profound authenticity in your life, relationships and work.

Therefore, you’ll be challenged to challenge the assumptions or beliefs you may have about the nature of identity, its sources, and formation.

Only then, you can truly become ‘radically me’, that is, the unique individual YOU were created to be.

So, grab your metaphorical spade… because you’re about to dig deep into the rich soils of your inner world, where the “I” meets the “me,” and the ordinary becomes extraordinary.

Day 1: Uncovering Your Actual Self: The “Keeping It Real” Expedition

Welcome to Day 1 of your 7-Day IDentity Challenge:

Today, you’ll take a candid look at who you are right now, which is the foundation step to expanding your self-awareness.
So, the goal of today’s challenge is for you to gain a better understanding of your ‘Actual Self’ … warts and all…which we all have!
You may wonder, ‘But how do I see myself clearly?’
Perceiving and understanding your ‘Actual Self’ requires introspection, honesty, and ‘objectivity.’

Through self-reflection exercises, thought provoking questions, insightful journaling prompts, and seeking feedback from others, you’ll begin to gain clarity, understanding, and openness to identify and embrace your strengths, and areas for growth.

Now, the ‘Actual Self’ is a mental representation of who you are at the present time – all the attributes you believe you possess.

This encompasses your current self-perception, your beliefs, values, thoughts, feelings, achievements, experiences, and behaviours, and how you navigate the intricate labyrinth of life.

It’s the qualities, traits, and abilities that presently define you.

Interestingly, the actual self includes both the aspects of yourself that you’re aware of and share with others, and those that you’re not aware of, but others can see. (In another program, I explore the blind, hidden, and unknown areas of self.)

Essentially, it is how you and others describe and evaluate you.

For example, if you believe you’re an honest person, then honesty is part of your actual self.

Furthermore, if your family and friends describe you as being honest, and you know of their description, then honesty is a character quality that’s incorporated and embodied in your actual self.

Take another example: You may be aware of certain strengths, flaws or personality traits, while others may notice patterns in your behaviour or communication, of which you are not conscious.

For instance, you know you’re a good organiser and receive regular feedback from colleagues and family members – affirming this strength.

On the other hand, you may insist upon having things done in particular ways and show passive aggression when others prefer or perceive things differently. You may not be aware of this emotional aspect of your actual self, but most certainly can grow in awareness and change.

Social scientists or anthropologists are trained to observe human behaviour. You are now your own scientist, and it’s your responsibility to keenly observe your thoughts, feelings, attitude and behaviour in different situations, paying exquisite attention to how you interact with others, handle challenges, and express your emotions. I’m confident your observations will be priceless, so document them in your journal.

In summary, the actual self represents your perception of your current attributes, the qualities you believe you possess and those that others perceive you to have.

Now, here’s your challenge for today:

Self-Inventory

In a quiet space, take 15 – 25 minutes to complete a self-reflection journal entry or an audio recording, whichever you prefer.
Look beneath the surface – deep into your heart – and honestly answer the following questions:

Click on Actual Self Journal for the reflection prompts. Pause the audio as you respond to each question.

If you were to choose 10 to 15 adjectives that best describe your daily thoughts and behaviour, what would they be?
What are your top three signature strengths?
In what areas do you feel you struggle the most and need growth or improvement?
What kind of work or activities consistently gives you great pleasure and contentment?
How do you typically react to stress or difficult situations?
What are your core beliefs about yourself, your abilities and your achievements?
What values guide your daily decisions and actions?
How do others typically describe you?
Describe a recent situation where you felt most authentically yourself?

Your self-assessment, learning and growth will be more profound when you compare information.

So, take one more dig and request ‘360-Degree Feedback.’

This step entails asking friends, family, and colleagues to provide ‘objective’ feedback (this could be face-to-face or anonymous) on your strengths, unique character qualities and areas for growth. Compare their perceptions with your own and consider any ‘aha’ insights.

Let’s end today’s exploration with the Mirror Monologue micro challenge.

Stand in front of a mirror and strike a pose that represents your actual self. Observe your body language and facial expression.

Then give yourself a pep talk, but here’s the twist- every sentence must start with “Honestly,” and you must use at least three exaggerated hand gestures. This will help you confront the reality of who you are now, quirks and all.

Click on Actual Self to record and review today’s learning.

Congratulations and well-done for emerging successfully from Day 1 deep dig.

Take a few deep breaths, then think about three things for which you are grateful today and connect them to your ‘actual self’ qualities.

How about treating yourself to something fun and invigorating (favourite music, walk, snack, drink) to celebrate acknowledgement of your ‘Actual Self.’

Day 2: Envisioning Your Ideal Self

Hello! And welcome to Day 2 of your 7-Day IDentity Challenge!

Yesterday, you decisively dug into the depth of your ‘Actual Self’.

You identified your current core strengths, values and beliefs and reflected on how you incorporate and utilise them in your daily life.

Today, let’s shine the spotlight on your ‘Ideal Self.’

Ideal Self

In the grand tapestry of human development, the concept of the ‘ideal self’ stands out as a beacon that guides us towards personal fulfilment and self-realization.

In my practice, I’ve seen firsthand the transformative power of a clearly envisioned ideal self, which can serve as a compass to help us navigate the complexities of life.

The ‘Ideal Self’ is a representation of the attributes you aspire to possess.

Essentially, it’s a representation of who you want to be, the embodiment of your character, values, beliefs, aspirations, hopes, achievements, modes of interaction and service that resonate with your deepest desires and ideals.

It reflects your most authentic, capable, and fulfilled self, free from the constraints of your current realities. It’s the epitome of your idyllic self-concept.

Envisioning and understanding your ideal self is crucial as it serves multiple purposes.

For example, it,
• Increases self-awareness
• Influences your decisions
• Helps in setting meaningful goals that resonate with your core values and beliefs
• Acts as a motivational force
• Ignites passion and perseverance
• Strengthens authenticity
• Improves self-respect

So, what’s the role of values and beliefs in perceiving your ‘ideal self’?

The ideal self is inextricably linked to your values and beliefs. To perceive your ideal self, you must first understand these underlying values and beliefs, because these fundamental principles form the blueprint upon which you can build your envisioned future.

While visualization is a powerful tool for you to create a vivid image of the ‘Ideal Self’ that inspires and excites you, it’s not the panacea for achieving your ideal self.

Action is a critical component. Visualization needs to be complemented with goal-setting and actionable steps. Creating a plan that outlines how to bridge the gap between the actual and ideal self is essential.

(Hint? Identifying self-discrepancies will be your challenge on Day-4.)

Returning to today, let’s explore a robust and well-rounded approach to creating your own unique kaleidoscopic experience of envisioning your ideal self.

Just like each culture has a staple unique form of bread (be it chapati, challah, baguette, pita, bagel, crumpet, tortilla, nan, etc), self-reflection is the staple of self-awareness.

Now, let the positive neurotransmitters – dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and other brain chemicals – begin to flow!

Here’s your challenge:

Self-Dialogue Exercise

Today, you will explore your ideal self through an auditory reflection.

You’ll need a voice recorder (smartphone).

• Find a comfortable and quiet space where you can speak freely.
• Record your thoughts:

1. Speak aloud about who you want to be (ideal self)

• Prompt Yourself

1. Use prompts such as…

“I envision myself as a more …” (Qualities)
“I would like to do …” (Service, etc)
“I want to have …” (Impact, etc)

2. Consider your past successes: What have they reveal about your passions and capabilities?
3. How could your current strengths (actual self) be leveraged towards your ideal self?

• Listen Back

1. Once recorded, listen to your thoughts and aspirations. Notice any emotions, sensations or ideas that emerge.

• Then, identify people who embody character qualities you admire and aspire to develop. Analysing their paths can provide insights into shaping your own, ALWAYS bearing in mind YOUR VALUES and UNIQUE IDENTITY.

In the words of Oscar Wilde, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

Earlier, we highlighted the influence of values in perceiving your ideal self, so jump right into the next activity.

Values Clarification Exercise

1. Reflect and create a list of at least 15 values, then rank the values that are most important to you (e.g., integrity, truth, authenticity, family, respect, excellence, resilience, etc.), independent of societal expectations or external approval.
2. For the top 5 core values that resonate, consider why they matter to you and how they have influenced your coherent decisions and life choices.
3. Imagine a future where you are fully embodying these values, living as your ideal self. Picture specific scenarios (personal, professional, relationships, health, etc.) and details to make the mental image vivid.

‘Ideal Self’ Role-Playing

Now, spend today acting as if you are already your aspirational ideal self. Dress the part, adopt the behaviours, feelings, and live by the core values of your ideal self.

You could have a symbolic object in your pocket or on your finger as a “prop” to help remind you throughout the day. And … make today fun and memorable!

Before we close the curtains on Day 2, let’s be clear: Your ideal self is an evolving vision that adapts as you learn and grow. By engaging in self-reflection, clarifying and practicing your values, and taking action, you move closer to becoming more like your ideal self.

Always remember that the path to your ideal self is unique and personal, so utilise your own kaleidoscope with curiosity and openness, and let your values light the way.

Congratulations for your sustained focus and courage throughout today’s challenge.

Celebration time!!!
What was your biggest ‘aha!’ moment today?

Click on Ideal Self to record and review today’s learning.

Day 3: Understanding Your Ought Self

Welcome to Day 3 of your 7-Day IDentity challenge!

Today, you’ll delve into the ‘ought self,’ the cornerstone of your ethical and moral framework.

Let’s kick off with an illustration:

Consider the story of Nadia, a corporate lawyer who felt immense pressure from her family to climb the corporate ladder. Despite her success, she felt unfulfilled and emotionally bankrupt. Nadia’s true passion was advocating for human rights, a calling rooted in her strong sense of justice. When she shifted her career to work with non-profits, she aligned her professional life with her ought self, finding profound satisfaction and purpose.

The ‘ought self’ represents and reflects your inner ethical compass, an amalgamation of the attributes, values, principles and behaviours that define who you believe (think, feel) you ought to be.

Unlike the ideal self, which is driven by aspirations and dreams, the ought self is rooted in a sense of duty and responsibility. It is shaped by your beliefs about right and wrong, justice and fairness, and your commitment to living a life of integrity.

Ethical and moral ideals can serve as a powerful motivator, often stronger than societal norms and familial expectations. These ideals are deeply personal and resonate with your core values. While societal norms and family upbringing are external influences, your ethical and moral ideals are powerful internal convictions. They guide your decisions and actions, providing a sense of purpose, priority and direction that is unwavering.